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    Rwanda

      Muri iyi minsi uganira n’abamaze kubaka ingo bakakubwira ibibazo bafite waba uri ingaragu ukumva gushaka umufasha bigenda bikuvamo. Abantu bashakana bishimanye, urukundo n’urugwiro ari byose ariko nyuma y’igihe gito bya byishimo bikagenda biyoyoka.Mu nkuru z’urukundo dukunze kubagezaho, kuri iyi nshuro tuzaniye impanuro abashakanye ibyo bakwiriye kwirinda mu ijoro ry’urukundo. Ubusanzwe, gushinga urugo biroroha ariko gukomeza urugo bigakomera kurushaho.

      Muri iyi minsi uganira n’abamaze kubaka ingo bakakubwira ibibazo bafite waba uri ingaragu ukumva gushaka umufasha bigenda bikuvamo. Abantu bashakana bishimanye, urukundo n’urugwiro ari byose ariko nyuma y’igihe gito bya byishimo bikagenda biyoyoka. Gutera akabariro ari byo twise ijoro ry’urukundo ni imwe mu nkingi za mwamba zubaka urugo rugakomera.

      Hari amakosa akorwa n’abashakanye agatuma ibintu bigenda bizamba mu buriri ndetse hari n’abo biviramo gatanya (Divorce) biturutse kuri aya makosa kandi atari akwiriye hagati y’abashakanye. Aya ni amwe mu makosa ugomba kwirinda kugira ngo ijoro ry’urukundo (Gutera akabariro) ribashe kubanyura mwembi:

      1.Icyumba si ikibuga cy’abana

      Mu ngo nyinshi usanga utatandukanya icyumba cy’ababyeyi n’icy’abana. Si bibi ko abana bisanzura ku babyeyi babo, ariko nanone si byiza ko bahora bakinira mu cyumba cy’ababyeyi. Ibi bigira ingaruka kuri mwese. Iyo mudafashe icyemezo hakiri kare ngo icyumba cyanyu kibe ubwiru, biratinda hakazagera igihe umwe cyangwa mwese yumva/mwumva nta bushake bwinshi akigira/mukigira bwo kubaka urugo kuko aba azi/muzi ko igihe icyo ari cyo cyose abana babatungura ugasanga mugombye gutegereza ijoro abana baryamye kandi wenda ubushake bwanagabanutse cyane ko urugo rutubakwa nijoro gusa.

      2.Wibona umufasha wawe nk’umugore/umugabo wawe

      Ibi bikunda kugaragara ku bagabo. Niba amaranye igihe kinini n’umufasha we, agera aho akumva nyine ko ari umugore yishakiye ko amufiteho uburenganzira bwose. Ibi rero si byiza. Nimugera mu gihe cyo gutera urubariro ku rugo, iyibagize ko uri umugabo akaba umugore ahubwo mwifate nka kera mukirambagizanya bituma ubushake bwiyongera bityo igikorwa kikaba injyanamuntu.Muri iyi minsi uganira n’abamaze kubaka ingo bakakubwira ibibazo bafite waba uri ingaragu ukumva gushaka umufasha bigenda bikuvamo. Abantu bashakana bishimanye, urukundo n’urugwiro ari byose ariko nyuma y’igihe gito bya byishimo bikagenda biyoyoka.

      Usanga ntakuguyaguya umugore, utugambo twiza cyangwa ibindi byatuma umugore nawe agira ubushake. Umugabo iyo atanyuzwe ni bwo atangira ati “Nashatse nabi” nyamara ariwe ubifitemo uruhare runini. Agafata icyemezo kigayitse cyo kujya gushaka ibyishimo mu bakobwa bicuruza (indaya) cyangwa gushurashura, nyamara ibyishimo n’urukundo abisize iwe.

      Ku ruhande rw’abagore naho si shyashya. Umugabo niba yaragushatse ntibivuze ko kumushimisha byarangiriye mu kwezi kwa buki. Mureshye, umukorere ibintu bishya gusa niho atazatekereza ibyo ku guca inyuma kuko aba yiteguye ko umuhishiye byinshi. Akazi si we urota karangira, hehe no kongera guhitira mu kabari.

      3.Wikwikunda

      Kwikunda kuri ku mpande zombi. Ku bagabo ho bikaba agahebuzo. Niba muri mu buriri, wishaka ibyishimo bya wenyine ngo wumve ko byose bikorwa uko ubishaka. Hari abagabo usanga rwose bategeka abagore babo uburyo bifuza (Position), bitaba uko ubimusabye bikazamura ubwumvikane bucye mu muryango, gucana inyuma bigahabwa umwanya kandi bitari bikwiye. Niho usanga SIDA yarabinjiranye kera. Uretse na SIDA kandi n’izindi ndwara zandurira mu mibonano mpuzabitsina ntawakwishimira kuzandura. Uburyo ni bumwe: Ikiganiro kirambuye, ukumvisha mugenzi wawe uko ubibona ntaguhangana cyangwa se kwicecekera.

      4.Irinde imyambaro itarabugenewe

      Ntibikunze kubaho ariko hari abakora iri kosa batazi ko ari ikosa. Ugasanga umwe muri mwe araye yambaye imyenda isanzwe ijoro ryose. Nyamara birashoboka ko uwo muraranye yumva agize ubushake mu ijoro hagati, byakubitiraho imyenda wambaye bikamutera ubute. Hari imyambaro rero yabugenewe uretse ko unabishoboye warara wiyambariye umwambaro wa Adamu na Eva, bifasha cyane mugenzi wawe.

      5.Irinde amagambo akomeretsa

      Mu buriri si mu rukiko, si naho kandi hatangirwa penetensiya. Amakosa yose ndetse n’ibitagenda neza mu rugo siho bivugirwa, ahubwo ni cyo gihe cyiza cyo kuganira koko nk’abashakanye. Iyo muhise rero mwibanziriza ibibazo byo mu rugo, haziramo uburakari, ntumenye n’igihe wakomerekeje uwo mwashakanye bityo igikorwa nyamukuru ntikigende neza. Aba agitekereza ku magambo wamubwiye atamushimishije.

      6. Wihunga imyitozo ngoraramubiri

      Ibigo byinshi byashyiriyeho abakozi babo igihe runaka cyo gukora siporo. Burya si uko ariya masaha abakozi bakomeje akazi umusaruro utakwiyongera, ahubwo ni uko bazi akamaro ko gukora imyitozo ngorora mubiri. Niba rero utajyaga uyikora, tangira uyimenyereze, uretse no kuba ituma umuntu aruhuka mu mutwe, inatuma wirinda umubyibuho utifuza. Tutirengagije ko umubyibuho nawo uri mu bituma urugo rutubakwa uko mubyifuza.

      7.Ite ku isukuMuri iyi minsi uganira n’abamaze kubaka ingo bakakubwira ibibazo bafite waba uri ingaragu ukumva gushaka umufasha bigenda bikuvamo. Abantu bashakana bishimanye, urukundo n’urugwiro ari byose ariko nyuma y’igihe gito bya byishimo bikagenda biyoyoka.

      Wakwibaza uti”Ese ibi ni ngombwa kubivugaho?” Yego ni ngombwa cyane. Abantu iyo bakirambagizanya isuku iba ari yose ku mpande zombi. Ariko mwagera mu rugo bigatangira kugabanuka. Aha reka tuvuge ku bagore kuko ni bo bagira umubiri uba ukeneye isuku ihagije, cyane iyo mwungutse urubyaro. Ubishoboye wajya ukaraba nibura gatatu ku munsi. Ibi mbivugiye ko umugabo wawe nashaka kugira icyo akubaza agasanga nta suku bimuca intege rwose kandi akenshi hari n’igihe atabikubwira ahubwo akagucikaho buhoro buhoro wowe ukibaza icyamuhinduye kandi nyamara ari udukosa umuntu aba atahaye agaciro.

      Ni ayahe makosa ugomba kwirinda mu gihe cy’igikorwa nyir’izina?

      1.Kugereranya

      Mbere y’uko mushakana n’umugabo/umugore wawe, birashoboka ko waba wararyamanye n’abandi bantu banyuranye. Iyo mugeze mu gitanda utangira kumugereranya nabo. Atabigukorera nk’uko abandi bagushimishije ugatangira gucika intege no kumva bitakurimo.

      Igisubizo: Warashatse byararangiye. Wiyemeje kubana n’umugabo/umugore wawe akaramata. Abo bandi mwarasambanaga. Fasha umugabo/umugore wawe kugushimisha. Mubwire ibyo yagukorera ukizihirwa. Mwereke uburyo (Positions) zikunyura nta cyaha waba ukoze. Kumusobanurira no kumwerekera nta tegeko ribihanira. Menya ko uharanira umunezero wawe. Niyishima wenyine si we bibabaza ahubwo ni wowe urara udatekanye.

      2.Kutamwubaha

      Kubaha umufasha wawe ni ikintu cy’ingenzi mu buzima bw’urugo rwanyu bwa buri munsi. Kubaha umugabo wawe bizabafasha mwese kugira imibanire myiza. Ushobora kwibaza uti ese kumwubaha bihuriye he no kwishimira igikorwa cyo gutera akabariro? Birahura rwose ndetse cyane. Niba wubaha umugabo wawe ntazagusaba ko uhindukira ngo umwiyame. 

      Kubera icyubahiro umuha uzamwemerera kandi niba unabangamiwe cyangwa ufite indi mpamvu yo guhakana, umusobanurire mu kinyabupfura akumve bitabaye intambara. Niba wubaha umugore wawe, nakubwira ko yumva ananiwe ndetse atabasha kugushimisha no kugupfumbata uko bisanzwe, uzamwumve udatonganye cyangwa ngo umurakarire.

      3.Kwiyima uwo mwashakanye

      Ibi bikunda kuba ku bagore cyane ariko hari n’abagabo batajya bubahiriza inshingano zabo uko bikwiye. Umugabo hari igihe ataha avuye mu kazi ke ka buri munsi yakora ku mugore we ati :”Ntungore ntabyo nshaka.“ Ntanamusobanurire ikibazo gihari cyangwa se agahorana impamvu zidashira buri gihe. Hari abagabo bagira imirimo igoranye kandi ivunanye. Yataha umugore we yamusaba kumugerera ku ngingo, igisubizo kikaba umunaniro.

      Igisubizo: Mugore mwiza ubereye urugo si byiza ko wiyima uwo mwashakanye ishuro nyinshi. Niba unaniwe bimusobanurire ariko ntibibe akamenyero. Aha niho hava umuco utari mwiza wo gucana inyuma. Niba ufite iyi ngeso, umugabo wawe naguca inyuma uzavuga ko aguhemukiye?

      Kuba uri umugabo ukaba ugira akazi kenshi ni byiza. Uba uharanira iterambere ry’urugo rwawe. Zirikana ko nubwo bimeze gutyo, umugore washatse utamuzaniye kumureba cyangwa ngo umugire umutako. Nawe afite umubiri kandi umubiri urababaza. Uburiri, ibiryo,..yabisize iwabo azanywe n’ibimugoye. Kora akazi unagenere umwanya wo gutera akabariro ku rugo rwawe hato ejo utazajya gushaka ihaho ugasanga rwasenyutse.

      4.Kwikinisha

      Iyi ngeso ireze mu bagabo bamwe na bamwe. Niba yarashatse ayisanganywe, niyo ageze mu rugo ntahinduka. Umugabo wikinishije rero ntabwo ashobora gushimisha umugore we. Amugeraho ubushake n’ishyushyu ryo gutera akabariro ryashize kuko hari ukundi yabigenje. Umugore akarara nabi.

      Igisubizo: Soma inkuru zinyuranye twagiye twandika ku ngeso yo kwikinisha ubashe kuba wayicikaho ejo itazagusenyera utabizi.

      5. Kutamenya ko mutandukanye

      Imiterere y’umugabo n’umugore irahabanye. Umugore agira byinshi bimugora mu buzima bwe bwa buri munsi. Ngaho niwe ubyara, niwe urera, niwe wita ku rugo n’imirimo yose ibigenewe akanabifatanya n’akandi kazi akora gateza urugo imbere. Iyo abwiye umugabo ko ananiwe, ko atatiteguye kumwakira mu buriri, umugabo ntabyishimira ntanabisonakirwa neza.

      Igisubizo: Umugabo agomba kwemera itandukaniro rimutandukanya n’umugore we. Imbaraga ntimuzinganya, gerageza kumutwara uko ameze, ntumuhutaze. Niba ubona hari ibyo wamufashamo mu rwego rwo kumugabanyiriza imirimo ahura nayo, bikore. Ushobora kumushakira umukozi uzajya umufasha imirimo imwe n’imwe yo mu rugo bityo mubashe kujya mwisanzura mu ijoro ry’urukundo nta n’umwe ubangamiwe .

      6. Kuterekana amarangamutima

      Hari abagore badakunda kwerekana amarangamutima mu gihe cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina. Ugasanga igikorwa gikozwe yimereye nk’igiti,atanyeganyega.

      Igisubizo: Umugore agomba kwerekana uko amerewe mu gihe cyo gutera akabariro. Agomba kwereka umugabo we ko akazi ariho kari kugenda neza, haba hari ikitagenda nacyo akakimubwira akamenya aho akosora. Muganirize, umusome, umubwire amagambo meza. Mushimire igihe murangije gutera urubariro, bishimisha cyane abagabo. Abona ko atavunikiye ubusa, ko nubwo yishimye ariko na mugenzi we yishimye.

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